


Connie Swap Episode 25: Steven's Birthday

by br42, BurdenKing, MjStudioArts



Series: Connie Swap [25]
Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Anxiety, Art, Deaf, Deaf Character, Drama, F/F, F/M, Friendship, Gen, Momswap, Pictures, Platonic Romance, Slice of Life, Steven Universe AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-15
Updated: 2018-08-22
Packaged: 2019-06-27 15:55:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 11,232
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15688635
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/br42/pseuds/br42, https://archiveofourown.org/users/BurdenKing/pseuds/BurdenKing, https://archiveofourown.org/users/MjStudioArts/pseuds/MjStudioArts
Summary: Steven is turning fifteen and everyone is invited to the party! Being used to birthdays only involving her, the gems, maybe her dad, and of course the occasional gem monster or power mishap, Connie doesn't know what to make of a perfectly normal birthday bash. It would seem her Crystal Gem training doesn't include how to navigate the typical or well-adjusted. How do humans do it?!





	1. Feeling Odd and Getting Even

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After you finish reading this chapter, there is a related omake story you might want to check out:  
> [The Joy of Cooking for Humans](https://archiveofourown.org/works/10673391/chapters/36408213) by alexandritemoon - "Steven realizes how perplexed Bismuth is by human needs; namely, stuff like making food that tastes good. In the interest of being a good Destiny Partner, he tries to save Connie from eating burnt cooking the best way he knows how: filming a cooking show. Will it work? Find out here!" **This is 90% canonical.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a neat little fact I wanted to share with y'all: today, August 15th, is the [canonical birthday for Steven Universe](http://steven-universe.wikia.com/wiki/Steven_Universe_\(character\)), so the episode _Steven's Birthday_ is going up on Steven's birthday. That also means that the in-universe date of Connie Swap and the real date match for the first time in the fic's history.
> 
> Happy birthday Steven Universe and happy birthday Steven Sugar ([for whom Steven is patterned after and shares a birthday with](http://steven-universe.wikia.com/wiki/Steven_Universe_\(character\)#Trivia)).

From the backyard of the Universe Instrument Shop, School of Musical Instruction, Recording Studio, and family home came the sounds of festivities. It was Steven's fifteenth birthday and she'd been invited to his party.

Connie had rather mixed feelings about parties. Connie had _very_ mixed feelings about birthdays.

She stood at the property's edge looking unnerved. The air of peril, or at least concern, surrounding her was somewhat undercut by the festive red sundress she was wearing. Some outfits lent themselves to certain moods but this one did not pair well with wariness. Or with her saber, which she'd left back at the Beach House.

Over a meal, Steven's mom had casually mentioned that this was a weapons-free event. There'd been a _look_ , not pointed but firm. Connie had taken the hint.

She stood there, at the edge of the property, radiating disquiet, not quite willing to approach the house she'd visited literally hundreds of times before.

* * *

While Connie dithered, shifting the brightly wrapped present from hand to hand, a fairly new and unassuming car drove slowly by, squeezing into an open stretch of grassy shoulder. There were quite a few vehicles pulled up along this road.

Exiting the car carefully, mindful that there might be other traffic on the usually-sleepy residential street, Doug Maheswaran walked over. He transferred the envelope he was holding --a punny birthday card containing two twenty-dollar bills-- into a pant pocket and placed a hand on his daughter's shoulder. She glanced back just enough to confirm who he was, then returned to staring uneasily ahead.

"Feeling a little party shy?"

Connie fidgeted with her gift some more before turning and looking up at her dad. "Do I look younger to you? Or shorter? I don't have, like, cat ears or something, do I?" She twisted around and checked behind her, as if making sure there wasn't a tail.

Doug blinked. His teenage daughter always looked too old to him; there was a tiny shock each time he saw her and she wasn't six. He'd asked Priyanka about it once and she'd said it never went away, you just got better at hiding it.

Unlike Anjan, though, Connie had a gemstone. Best to check, just in case.

"Nope, normal," _magically deaf and gemtech-assisted_ "ears, normal Connie," answered Doug with a reassuring smile. He resisted the urge to tousle Connie's hair as he set the wide-brim hat back on her head. That sort of thing was fine during father-daughter time but he'd learned quickly that Connie-Steven time meant the hair was off limits.

His daughter scanned the area, land and air. "And you didn't see any drill bees or pufferfish monsters did you?"

Another set of blinks. "No," answered Doug eventually. Without realizing it his hand went to where he usually kept a baton clipped to his belt. However, while visiting with Greg, Mary had mentioned the party and then casually added that it was a weapons-free event. There'd been a _look._ Doug had taken the hint.

His daughter frowned and made another survey of the airspace over the Universe family home.

"I wouldn't worry about it," offered Doug. Like _his_ father, he tried to sound wise. Unlike his father, he tried to sound friendly. "It's Beach City. Monsters happen. But usually they don't; odds are nothing's going to drop down out of the sky and cause problems."

Connie opened her mouth, as though to object, then paused and answered with a sigh instead.

There was a blur of blue and a gust of wind that set Connie's dress fluttering. "This a party or a wake?" quipped Lapis, the gem having landed nearby. In one hand she was holding a crinkled paper baggie with the Big Donut logo printed on the front.

"'Course, I could be wrong," muttered Doug under his breath.

"What was that, Dougie? It's hard to hear you over how awesome I am." Lapis' grin was all teeth.

Doug resisted the urge to roll his eyes. "Oh, nothing." He gave a slight bow and gestured through the open gate. "After you, Lapis: age before beauty."

The bag and the blue hand holding it went to one hip. "I can't go first twice, you know."

Connie, who didn't appear to be paying the others any attention, bulled ahead with a grim, "Let's get this over with." She marched over to the door and rang the doorbell.

Doug and Lapis shared a look, the latter saying with a shrug, "Maybe it is a wake, because apparently someone killed all the fun." Then, speaking to Doug but in a voice pitched so Connie could hear it, she added, "Speaking of, I don't know if you knew this, Dougie, but Con-Con is officially evil. I expect it'll be in tomorrow's paper."

Connie looked over her shoulder and, with the first smile Doug had seen since he'd arrived, replied, "You deserved every bit of that and you know it."

Before anyone could reply, Mary Universe answered the door and conveyed everyone through the house to the backyard.

**\--Earlier--**

Lapis was napping. She'd fallen asleep at the window seat, curled up like a cat basking in a sunbeam. An open manga was draped over her face, the pages fluttering when the gem exhaled.

Thirteen days ago, Lapis had woken Connie up by tickling her with hands that were literally ice-cold. Gems weren't bothered by temperature extremes like humans (or half-humans) were and they didn't have a circulatory system to help distribute the temperature. 

They had been _very_ cold hands.

Connie had made a promise that day and now she and Bismuth were making good on it. But the question was, how? Lapis flew through space and skipped barefoot through snow so it wasn't like a bucket of ice water was going to be in any way comparable to Connie's own rude awakening.

But obstacles like that just meant you got _creative_.

Lapis woke up as Connie and Bismuth were using paint brushes to paint a sticky reddish paste over her exposed arms and legs. She let the manga-cum-sleeping mask fall unceremoniously to the floor as she rose to a seated position. Connie and Bismuth continued matter-of-factly painting the blue gem, who in turn looked skeptically back.

"What are you two goofs doing?"

Connie finished giving one blue knee a nice, even coating before looking up from her work. "Painting you red." Her voice was muffled slightly from the face mask she was wearing and there were splotches of red on her latex gloves.

One blue eyebrow raised. "This is your promised revenge?"

Bismuth, not wearing a mask but wearing gloves, said with a grin. "Yup. Wake up and smell the vengeance, Raindrop." She too went back to coating one of Lapis' forearms.

The hydrokinetic stared at them impassively for a few moments longer before pushing herself to her feet, the others stepping back. "Right," she said in a flat voice. "Consider me well and truly pranked. You two are masters of mischief, alright." The gem walked unhurriedly out the open front door.

A long thin line of water snaked out of the kitchen faucet and flowed out after the gem. "Oh, ha ha," said Lapis washing up outside. "Make the paint non-water-soluble."

Connie, who was using tongs to carefully peel off Bismuth's gloves, answered back, "Actually, the neutralizing agent is water-soluble, right Bismuth?"

The smith's face was one big grin. "Yeah, that ought to wash out real easy."

That was around the time Lapis started screaming.

**\--Earlier--**

After a recent successful but... eventful class ran by Steven and Connie to teach Bismuth conventional human cooking, it had come out that gems were susceptible to spicy seasonings like humans. And given that the concoction was over three million Scovilles on the Scoville scale, if you didn't handle it with gloves you'd feel it through your skin.

After Connie explained the prank to Bismuth, the gem laughed for probably ten minutes straight. After _that_ Bismuth replied that she had no idea how to make a neutralizing suspension for Connie's 'pain paint.' Quick-drying cement, sure, but not something like that.

Faced with a technical challenge neither of them knew how to meet, they spent a long second pondering it before each rose and walked towards the temple door and Peridot's room beyond. They hadn't talked it over, they simply arrived at the same conclusion: going to Peridot for help was _what you did_ when you didn't have an answer.

It took some cajoling, sour candies may have exchanged hands/limb enhancers, but Peridot was willing to help them provided they promised that Connie wore appropriate safety attire.

**\--Later--**

While the Scoville-blighted Lapis rocketed away toward the ocean, Bismuth and Connie laughed. Peridot, meanwhile, had emerged from her room in the temple and was carefully placing all of the concoction-coated brushes, bowls, and gloves in a sealable steel drum with a biohazard design printed on the side.

The seas were choppy for a time but eventually settled down, implying Lapis had figured out how to power wash the substance off her form. Bismuth, sitting heavily on the stairs up to Connie's loft, wiped under one eye and gave Connie an approving smile.

"Nice work, Alloy. Man, I'm glad to get in one more prank before I head out."

There was something in Bismuth's tone that caused Connie's mirth to cool. "Head out? Are you going to another old bunker with Garnet?"

The smith shook her head, rainbow dreads swaying with the motion. "Naw. See, I went on some missions with you gals, I went on this world tour with Blue, and I even went a few places with Garnet. But I've never really known what I wanted to do for myself. If the war were still on then I'd be at my forge right now, simple as that. But I haven't even gone to my forge since getting out. Seemed like taking a step back." 

The large gem pushed herself to her feet. "I'm going to go and do some things on my own. Figure out this peace _Bismuth_. Maybe rebuild a ruin. Maybe build something new. Maybe not build anything at all." Her dreads shook again. "Isn't it weird that all I used to think about was winning but, now that we've won, I have no clue what to do? After Meatball's party thing I think I'll head out."

Connie's mouth opened and closed a few times. She was supposed to say something, she knew that much, but _what_ it should be escaped her.

Peridot tractor beamed the steel drum over beside the warp pad then walked over. "Ah yes, that reminds me. I have a device you can take that will enable us to communicate remotely." The technician revealed a palm-sided octahedron, shaped like the eight-sided dice used in _Lutes and Loot_ , that was the combination of green and gunmetal-grey that had become the norm for Peridot's tech recently.

Bismuth took the slight object and turned it this way and that in her hands. "Huh. Neat."

Peridot gave a curt nod. "The communicator taps into the sensor tower network, broadcasting any messages to a sister device in my possession when brought in range of a tower. It will also receive any messages that are queued when in range. This way we can coordinate with you while you are away."

Bismuth pocket the device in her apron. "Thanks Green. I guess you knew I was going to go wandering even before I did."

"Y-Yes." Peridot's eyes disagreed with her smile. "I certainly didn't build that shortly after your removal from bubble stasis as part of an earnest but short-lived desire for you to depart forthwith."

The smith took this at face value and walked over to the kitchen, various spice containers vanishing into her apron.

 _Packing, I guess,_ thought Connie before she rotated to face Peridot. "Ma'am? Couldn't you have just given Bismuth a cell phone?"

There was a cracking sound followed by the tinkling of glass on the kitchen floor. Bismuth looked over with an embarrassed smile and cayenne pepper coating her hand. "Oops. I forget how fragile this glass stuff is."

Peridot's eyelid twitched. "In my experience, if you give an Era-1 gem anything more fragile than a brick, you shouldn't expect it to last," she said in a low voice to Connie. Then, in less hushed tones, the gem added, "I expect you are excited about the Steven's emergence anniversary celebration."

Connie's expression grew a little pained. "I mean, a little."

Her green guardian frowned slightly, looking a little mystified. She'd been making that face more and more as Connie progressed into her teens. "Is there something amiss, dear?"

Connie fidgeted with her hands. "It's just... Remember when I turned eight? A slinker escaped into the Beach House and I had to hide in the bathroom until you poofed it with your blaster. Only we spent the rest of the day patching blaster damage in the house and we had to eat around the exploded part of my cake."

"Ah yes." Peridot gave a chagrined smile. "However, one data point doesn't mean-"

"Or my tenth birthday. You took me to your room so I wouldn't hear Dad and Lapis' shouting match and then Lapis wasn't there after and it was super awkward."

Bismuth, hearing the distress in Connie's voice, had looked up from ransacking the spice rack. Peridot's embarrassment spiked and the gem said hastily, "I'll concede that you've had a few-"

"We had that red snake monster catch the roof on fire when I turned eleven. The fire suppression system kicked in, which not only ruined the cake but it made one of my presents explode."

"I'll have you know," began Peridot quickly, "I have made certain to water-proof your gifts since then."

Connie's brows flattened, the girl's mouth becoming a hard line. "And I don't even want to talk about my seventh birthday."

Peridot had been about to say something but immediately thought better of it following the mention of _that_ birthday.

The sound of the sink drew Connie's attention, where Bismuth was washing the cayenne pepper off her hands. When the water turned off and the smith dried them on her apron, she said, "How'd the last of these birthday things go?"

Connie tromped up the steps of her loft to go fetch her dress for the party (it wouldn't do to be handling caustic prank supplies in nice clothing). "One of my gem powers went haywire and I turned into a toddler."

Bismuth walked over to Peridot and said, in what for her counted as a quiet voice, "That's rough and all, but I got to admit, now I'm more excited about this party."

Peridot made a kind of choking noise and then stepped aside while Connie tromped over to the bathroom, dress draped over one arm.

**\--The Present--**

"-and those are my cousins, Kate and Matthew, and there's my Aunt Nancy, oh, and there's Sadie, and Lars is supposed to come, and his mom, Martha, is standing over there talking to Dad and Neimaat wanted to make it but her family is taking a vacation and there's Onion and Aunt Vidalia, who isn't really my aunt like Aunt Nancy is but we call her that and there's Jeff and Peedee- Hi Jeff! Hi Peedee! And-"

"Steven!" cried Connie, trying not to drown while caught in the bow wave of Steven's birthday exuberance. She took a breath and straightened her hat. "I know who Jeff and Peedee are. Most of the others too."

"Oh, yeah," said Steven, still holding Connie's hand from when he'd been leading her on a whirlwind tour of the backyard festivities. "I just want to make sure you know everyone and everyone knows you and that you make sure to get some punch because Dad makes it special for parties and birthdays are _so awesome_ and you're awesome and Beach City is awesome and now I get to have all three at once and-"

Steven was saved from enthusiasm-induced asphyxiation by a smallish airplane swooping low overhead. The Universe family (and extended members of the DeMayo clan) all waved, a few cheering. Connie saw the pilot and the passenger, distant figures seated inside the tiny craft, wave back before the plane banked out of sight.

"That was Uncle Andy, he's a pilot, and that was probably Aunt Deb riding with him, she's got a ton of neat stories and I bet you'll really like her, oh, and Dad's heading off, probably to pick them up from the Beach City airport which I thought was really an airport at first but it's just this big open field that someone keeps mowed and-"

Like an exhausted swimmer, too tired to struggle against the current, Connie allowed herself to be swept along.

Steven's birthday was a strange affair, with all these people and presents and this whole, big party. If Connie was being honest with herself, having Steven guide her through it was a comfort. She just wished, as she sometimes did, that her friend had a setting between content and exploding-with-joy.

* * *

Lapis had a plate piled high with snacks. The Universes knew that a good time was measured in calories. That was why, unlike her other crayon-colored companions, she was attending the party instead of just planning to make an appearance, drop off a present, and leave.

Con-con was being led around by Pinkie, which was all well and good, but girlie looked like she was expecting a big Monty Python foot to come stomping down on her at any time.

Lapis shook her head and scarfed a lemon tart. Swallowing, she muttered, "You'd think she was the one that got slathered with sriracha sunscreen, not me."

"Is that the evil I'll be reading about in the paper?" asked a voice behind her.

Lapis grinned. It had been a darn good prank. "Yep. Girlie's got talent. She'll make a proper hellion some day."

Doug strolled forward, raising a plastic cup to his mouth and making a tutting sound. "I guess it's inevitable that you'd be a bad influence on her. At least it sounds like she's being a good influence on you."

"Naw. I'm just running the long con," said Lapis breezily. "I'll wait a couple more months and then give Delmarva a great lake or two." Then she made a snickerdoodle vanish like she was a gustatory magician. Swallowing, she added, "Your apartment complex can float, right?"

The gem was radiating smug as two more cookies disappeared.

Doug's chuckle was muffled by the upraised cup. "You think you're so funny, don't you?"

"Why, yes," said Lapis. "Yes I do. Some might call that arrogance, but am I really supposed to be the last person to notice how great I am?"

"First and last, you mean," snickered Doug. He went to raise the drink up and found it oddly fixed in place, as if the liquid inside had been nailed to the Earth's frame of reference. He noticed the skin on his hand felt suddenly dry.

"Problem, funny man?" asked Lapis sweetly. With a gesture, the drink zipped over and was caught in the gem's outstretched hand. She glanced at the red liquid inside the cup. "It looks like someone beat you to the _punch."_

Doug stared at the cup for a long second and then at Lapis. "This will only make your comeuppance all the sweeter."

"Maybe, but you know what else is pretty sweet?" She brought the cup within an inch of her lips. "Party punch mixed with Doug-tears." She raised the beverage to her mouth and took a long, victorious drink.

And promptly gagged.

Doug's poker face dropped and his eyes twinkled glee. "It's also mixed with cocktail sauce and red vinegar. I've been pretending to drink that for the last five minutes now hoping you'd pull that stunt.” Someone walked by and he gave them a friendly nod before turning back to Lapis. “You're oh-for-two with the Maheswarans today. I guess we know where Connie gets it from. Anyway, if you’ll excuse me, I find myself in need of refreshments." He walked in the direction of the punch bowl, humming a little tune.

“Of course you know, this means war,” called Lapis while a certain plastic cup went rocketing toward the distant horizon.

Without bothering to look over his shoulder he said in a cheery tone, "Why Lapis, I didn’t know we were at peace."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The art for this chapter came from BurdenKing.
> 
> BR42 here. So, this was supposed to be a single update episode, like _The Butterfly Effect_ or _We Need to Talk_. It might have been split between two chapters, but the intent was that the whole thing would be up, now, for everyone to read. That's in part because we wanted to tell an efficient story here, keeping it constrained to a single week instead of letting it sprawl across several, and partially because we're eager to move on to what's coming next.
> 
> However, that didn't happen. Why? In short: my 4-year-old son has had the flu since Sunday and I've been looking after him. That just torpedoed my ability to complete the episode since my usual schedule was overturned and my headspace was all wrong. So if this update seems shorter than usual, that's because it is. Fortunately, my little guy is on the mend and should be his usual, chipper self soon enough, which should allow me to be my usual productive self thereafter.
> 
> So, originally the schedule was going to be Ep25 going up on 8/15, a week off over 8/22, and then Ep26 starting on 8/29. I'm confident I can get the schedule reigned back in after my son gets better, and I'm really eager to share Ep26 with you all, so rather than push things back, what we're doing is the following:  
> 8/15: Start of Ep25  
> 8/22: End of Ep25  
> 8/29: Start of Ep26
> 
> That means that the schedule remains unchanged despite this setback. Fortunately, the fine readers of Connie Swap really came to the fore this week because there is no shortage of **amazing** fan-made content. Hoo boy!
> 
> First, I want to share a piece of fan art that just blew the collective minds of all of us on the Connie Swap Team, this pic of CS!Connie from [Pangolin](https://el-pangolin.tumblr.com/post/176634798665/connie-maheswaran-for-the-amazing-connieswap-au). You can find more of Pangolin's art on their Tumblr [here](https://el-pangolin.tumblr.com/).  
> 
> 
> Secondly, there were two outstanding fan-made omakes that went up today as well as an omake that went up during the break week between Ep24 and Ep25. One of them, [The Joy of Cooking for Humans](https://archiveofourown.org/works/10673391/chapters/36408213), is referenced in this chapter, and the other, [Life and Death and Love and Birth](https://archiveofourown.org/works/10673391/chapters/36408351), just floored me with how good it was. Really makes me feel better about having a shorter-than-intended chapter today.
> 
> *) [Neimaat Visits Beach City - Draft Document](https://archiveofourown.org/works/10673391/chapters/36111510) by [br42](http://archiveofourown.org/users/br42/pseuds/br42) and [CoreyWW](https://archiveofourown.org/users/CoreyWW/pseuds/CoreyWW) \- "Neimaat, Steven's childhood friend, visits him in Beach City for the first time. Connie has mixed feelings." Takes place between Ep18 (Citrine's Sanctuary) and Ep19 (Sworn to the Shield). This is the draft document for an unfinished but canon omake.  
> *) [The Joy of Cooking for Humans](https://archiveofourown.org/works/10673391/chapters/36408213) by alexandritemoon - "Steven realizes how perplexed Bismuth is by human needs; namely, stuff like making food that tastes good. In the interest of being a good Destiny Partner, he tries to save Connie from eating burnt cooking the best way he knows how: filming a cooking show. Will it work? Find out here!" **This is 90% canonical.**  
>  *) [Life and Death and Love and Birth](https://archiveofourown.org/works/10673391/chapters/36408351) by [BinaryGeek](https://archiveofourown.org/users/BinaryGeek/pseuds/BinaryGeek) \- "Connie and Steven have decided they want to start a family, and Connie is pregnant. They now have to break this news to their families and the gems, despite its potentially bittersweet implications."
> 
> * * *
> 
> If you have a Connie Swap story burning in your soul that you want to see in our official, curated Omake collection, drop us a comment either in the Omake fic or here in the main fic and we'll get in touch.
> 
> Connie Swap has an official Discord for the fans. [Come check it out.](https://discord.gg/RQMDdhr)
> 
> As usual, we'd love to hear your thoughts in the comments and your asks at the [Connie Swap Tumblr](http://connieswap.tumblr.com/). Thanks for reading!


	2. Of Pasts and Presents

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After you finish reading this chapter, there is a related omake story you might want to check out:  
> [Power Testing: Shapeshifting](https://archiveofourown.org/works/10673391/chapters/36697143) by [br42](https://archiveofourown.org/users/br42/pseuds/br42) \- "Peridot, Connie, and Steven are determined to figure out what Connie can, can't, and shouldn't do regarding her newfound shapeshifting power. Jasper, Lapis, and Bismuth are along to help out and watch the show." **This fic is 100% canon.**

Connie tried to drown her feeling of disquiet with punch. She was standing a little ways back from the throng as everyone gathered around to see Steven open his presents. Peedee had drifted over beside her, either to stay out of the crush as well or to provide Connie company. And as was ever the case, Jeff had followed Peedee.

"So, is this normal for a birthday?" asked Connie. Maybe if it was lemonade instead of punch that she was drinking she wouldn't feel so on edge.

Peedee shrugged. "Pretty much. I mean, most parties don't have their own DJ-" Sure enough, Sour Cream was spinning tracks for the party, this being his last local gig before the musician's tour took him beyond Beach City. "-And none of my birthdays involved half the town showing up, but then I'm not Steven. He's a much bigger fan of..." The blonde trailed off, searching for the right word.

Jeff was leaning against a table watching Steven slowly summit his mountain of presents. "Parties?" he hazarded.

Connie finished a sip of punch and offered, “Attention?”

"People," answered Peedee, nodding to himself.

Jeff rolled his eyes then turned to face Connie. "Yeah, this all seems pretty typical. Why?"

Connie scanned the area once and fidgeted with her cup. "I just- Really?" She asked, incredulity rising in her voice. "There's this many people and everything's happy and everyone's having a good time and nothing's on fire or exploding?"

"Yyyes?" answered Jeff uncertainly. He made a textbook five point scan of the area like he'd been taught in his Beach City Survival class, then added, "Were you, uh, expecting angry explosions?" 

Connie's finger ran around the rim of her cup as she worried her lip. Memories of birthdays past flitted through her mind. "Yes, actually. An argument, a disaster, property damage, or at least a monster attack." She took another sip, her shoulders tense.

Meanwhile, the sounds of the party shifted slightly as four colorful individuals pushed through the crowd. Jasper was in the front, holding an old wooden box. When she handed it to Steven it was all the teen could do to not topple forward.

Opening the top he pulled out a tablet. A clay tablet. Connie wasn't certain with as far away as she was standing, but she was pretty sure she saw cuneiform script etched into its face.

"I know you like hero stories," said the large Quartz. "Those are about Gilgamesh and Enkidu. Was given them after a mission a couple thousand years ago." Without further explanation, the warrior strode back.

At that Steven's mom ran over and gingerly took the millennia-old tablet from her son, set it _carefully_ in the box, and then lifted it up like one might if you were carrying an original Van Gogh or crate of nitroglycerin.

Mother and son both managed a 'thank you,’ though.

Peridot came next, floating fingers conveying a modest-sized present wrapped in green and yellow. Steven took it with a big smile and carefully undid the bow and paper without tearing anything. Opening the box, he gasped. "A DRAGON BALL Z SCOUTER?!"

He removed a small device which fit snugly over one ear and wrapped around the side of his face. A single, pink display was in front of his left eye like a miniature version of Peridot’s visor. "Ooh! I wonder what my power level is?" he exclaimed as he punched a button on the gadget's side.

He blinked then punched it another time before looking at Peridot for guidance.

"I'm unsure what a scouter is, or a dragon ball of any letter, but that," explained the technician, "is a communication unit with H.U.D. overlay. While you are in range of Connie's wireless energy aura, you should be able to flag targets of interest via the heads-up display and then exchange vocalizations with them using a high-efficiency directional speaker and receiver."

Steven blinked.

Peridot shook her head, then cast about. "Connie, dear, would you approach within thirty feet of the Steven? Oh, and please remove your power sink as well."

Connie lifted the color-changing necklace from around her neck and handed it to Peedee, who eyed it uncertainly like any Beach City resident would a piece of gemtech. She then walked over so that Steven was within the range of her aura and nearer to her than the necklace. The scouter flickered to life.

"Whoooa." The birthday boy marveled at whatever his H.U.D. was showing him while his gaze ran back and forth across the crowd. "This is so cool," he said and everyone started in surprise, the teen's voice sounding like it was coming from right in front of them.

"It appears you've discovered the mass broadcast feature.” Peridot gave a prim nod and said, “I can give you a comprehensive review of the device’s functionality another time.” With that, the technician waded back through the crowd, stopping by Jasper’s side.

Connie returned to her previous spot near Jeff and Peedee, retrieving her power sink from the latter. She still had that look of mixed confusion and mild distrust as she watched the gathering continue.

Bismuth was third, holding a box of burnished steel. Steven had to use the crowbar he'd gotten as a gift from Onion to pry it open. With a heft he pulled out... a breastplate?

"There's a full suit in there, Meatball: pauldrons, greaves, gauntlets. Got the measurements off Green here. Tried to keep it lightweight. If anything needs resizing, let me know." She patted Steven heavily on the shoulder, flashed a wide grin, and then stepped back.

Lapis skipped up to Steven holding her crinkled Big Donut bag. "Here ya go, Pinkie!"

Steven took the bag and opened it up. He pulled out a bottle of floral-scented shampoo. The exact brand and scent he already used. In bulk.

The Universe family went through a _lot_ of hair care products.

"Oh, uh, thanks Lapis," he said.

Lapis leaned in and said, sotto voce so that everyone heard her, "Yeah. I heard Connie talking about how much she likes it." She gave Steven a wink then sashayed away.

Steven blinked and then his cheeks flushed slightly as he got a far-away expression on his face. Connie, meanwhile, buried her face in her hands, her ears turning scarlet.

“This,” the girl said, “This is more like what I was expecting.”

* * *

The party continued and Doug had to admit, the Universes knew how to throw a good one.

After the presents had been opened and Steven had exuberantly thanked everyone, there had been a wealth of activities. A buffet was arranged with catering from Beach City’s nicest restaurant, The Crab Shack. A piñata was hung up and whacked in turn by those interested, Ronaldo hacking it open after he discreetly swapped out the bat for a katana he’d brought along; Bismuth cheered, Mary confiscated the weapon. People danced. People mingled. Photos were taken. The mayor gave a speech; no one had asked him to, but he gave one anyway. A karaoke machine was set up after Sour Cream dropped the bass on his final track, a resonating thud that left all the windows in a three block radius rattling.

One by one each of the gems had slipped away... save for Lapis, who was doing her level best to ransack the buffet. Minute by minute calamity failed to strike, apparently confounding his daughter all the more.

Doug found Connie sitting forlorn on a rustic-looking garden swing near Mary’s greenhouse, the area not so much hidden from the party as simply far enough out to be apart. In the distance Ronaldo was singing something in Japanese to upbeat synth music. If Connie had retreated this far to get away from the Koala Princess theme song (extended version), he couldn’t blame her.

“Hey cute lass,” he said with a smile, sitting down next to her. “Are you enjoying the party?”

“Yes,” she said, the word sounding like an epithet. Her face was sour and her eyes were downturned. “It’s amazing.”

Doug frowned. He scratched one ear and pondered how precisely to continue this conversation with his daughter, certain in the knowledge that he was entering a minefield. A mental review of his own parents’ behavior, as well as all the family-centric sitcoms he’d watched failed to turn up anything helpful. His mental image of Priyanka rolled her eyes at him and for one brief moment he felt the urge to call her for advice.

Nope. No lifeguard on duty. No phoning a friend for help. _Dad or dad not. There is no try._

Doug decided to open with a probe. “So, I didn’t notice Steven opening that present you carried in. Saving it for later?”

The two of them swung in silence for a time… koala ballad notwithstanding. Eventually Connie said, “I asked Steven’s mom to keep it someplace safe. It took me a lot of work to make it so I thought I’d give it to Steven after.”

Doug drummed his fingers on a pant leg for a moment waiting for Connie to continue. When she didn’t he hazarded, “After the party?”

“After the disaster.”

Doug blinked. _Okay, Doug, whatever that means, it’s obvious Connie takes this seriously. Time to say something incisive._

“What?”

His mental image of Priyanka was facepalming. Beside her, his mental image of Lapis was giving him an ironic thumbs up. _Good work, dad-of-the-year,_ she drawled inside his head.

Connie was suddenly animated, thrusting her arms out as if to encompass the whole gathering. “The monster attack! The huge argument that ruins everything! The emergency-” She gestured vaguely as if trying to snatch the right words out of the air. “-Meeting with Mr. Universe’s lawyers in Empire City that makes them cancel the party! Food poisoning! Onion committing cake arson! Steven’s uncle crashing his airplane into the garage! Something!”

Doug, eyebrows high in surprise, looked around, lost for how to respond. In an uncertain tone, he eventually said, “And that would happen… why?”

“Because it always happens!” Connie was looking up at her father, her expression manic. Then she slumped forward, seeming to shrink in on herself. If it weren’t for her matte gemstone Doug would be afraid she was aging in reverse again.

“Peedee and Jeff said this is normal.” Connie’s voice was half-despondent, half-growl. “How come I’ve never had a normal birthday? Why are mine always crazy gem disasters?! Is it a human thing? Because I’m half-human! At thirteen, shouldn’t I have had six or seven human birthdays by now?”

Doug furrowed his brows. “What about when you turned ten? We drove out to Crossroads, split an entire pie at the restaurant, and then stayed up all night watching movies in the hotel room?”

“Yeah but do you remember why we went to Crossroads?” shot back Connie. “Because you and Lapis had some big fight about something and she stormed off and afterwards it was so awkward in the Beach House we left.”

 _Oh, right._ Doug opened his mouth but then stopped himself, feeling like it probably wasn’t the best time to mention how completely vitriolic Lapis had been on the tenth anniversary of… well. Instead, he rallied, saying, “You sent me that picture from when you were eight where you and the gems had a cake fight. That looked like fun.”

He’d been away on business that particular November, but he remembered sharing the photos with Nat and David when he’d seen them later that week.

Connie shook her head. “The cake fight was a lie, dad. A slinker got into the Beach House and Peridot exploded the cake trying to blast it. I didn’t want you freaking out so I told you it was a food fight instead.”

Doug blinked. He sometimes forgot just how recent this whole ‘clear and honest communication’ thing was between him and his daughter, a consequence of him coming out for her latest birthday and finding out she was a magic-wielding, monster-fighting teenager and not the sheltered little girl he’d remembered.

“The, uh, the beach bonfire party you had when you were eleven?” he asked, a frisson of fear in his voice. He hadn’t made that birthday either but the letter she’d sent him had seemed positively cheery.

“A red snake monster caught the roof on fire. The gems took all the damaged wood and burned it by the beach while we ate the soggy cake the sprinkler system had ruined.” Connie’s mouth was a line when she finished.

Doug felt panicked. This couldn’t be right… could it?! Okay, he’d been traveling a lot in those days, but surely it hadn’t all been bad. Because if it had, then it meant- 

He shook his head. Grasping at straws, he just said the first number that came to mind- “What about when you turned seven?” -and then immediately regretted it. That had been during his big, overseas Dhawar Airlines contract but even he had heard about _that_ birthday. Peridot had warped out to Uttar Pradesh to tell him about _that_ birthday.

“Oh yeah, that birthday.” Connie’s voice had a detached calm to it, like the weather in the eye of a hurricane, surrounded on all sides by maelstrom. “When my dad, who I hadn’t seen in eight months, called the day before to say he couldn’t make it. Then, when Peridot was still mixing the cake batter, an alarm goes off and all the gems have to warp away to go fight some huge monster. And I spent my birthday... and the day after my birthday... and the day after _that_ alone in an empty house because there’d been a cave-in and it took the gems that long to dig themselves out. So I spent three days eating apple slices and carrot sticks and dry cereal because all the milk had been used in the cake mix that I had to dump out after it started to smell bad. And I couldn’t even light the candles they’d bought because Peridot kept all the matches locked up in her room in the temple. Yeah, that birthday,” she said, her voice as dry as the desert, “That birthday was _great.”_

Without another word, his daughter got up and stalked off into the sea of cheer and celebration.

Doug didn’t move to stop her. Instead he sat there, shell-shocked, the acrimony of Connie’s voice ringing in his head.

An eternity or a few minutes later, Lapis sauntered over and sat down in Connie’s spot. She had a comically oversized slice of cake on her plate along with a tall stack of cookies. She dragged one, a butter cookie, through the thick frosting, then topped it with a snickerdoodle and ate the frosting sandwich in two large bites. She chewed for a bit and then said in a muffled voice, “Wuff’s up, Duggy?”

Doug’s body felt like a distant thing and he stared at nothing in particular. He wet his lips and then, in a soft voice, asked, “Lapis, am I a bad father?”

The blue gem swallowed. “Yeah, totally,” she said casually before licking frosting from her fingers.

Stiffly, like a tin man with a rusty neck joint, Doug swiveled his head to face Lapis. The eyes behind his glasses were smoldering. A distant part of him pointed out that he _had_ asked, but the rest of him decided outrage was the order of the day.

"I'm sorry. What?" he said in a clipped tone.

Lapis blithely used bare feet to set the swing to swaying and began assembling another cookie sandwich. "I mean, it's one of those 'two wrongs making a right' things. You're a crummy dad but you were gone for, like, ninety percent of Connie's life which meant she got less exposure to your suckitude." She gave him that ironic thumbs up he'd imagined earlier and said, "Solid D+. I'll mail you the participation ribbon."

A cookie sandwich vanished soon thereafter.

It's possible to pass through rage into a kind of murderous calm, observed Doug, where you watch with genuine curiosity to see just how much farther someone is going to stick their head into the lion's mouth.

"Just who are you to judge me as Connie's father?" he asked once he was able to unclench his teeth.

"You did ask." Lapis shrugged, prodding her mountain of cake with a plastic fork. "But I'm also the only one in that house that gets Con-con now that she's out of Underoos. The good news is, she got used to it a long time ago and has been grading on a curve ever since."

That was entirely too much. With a swift motion, Doug swatted the underside of Lapis' plate, sending the sprawling edifice of cake splatting onto the grass below. "Well, thanks for getting her used to lowering her expectations," he said, voice thick with scorn.

Lapis' fork prodded air where a monument to frosting had once stood, her lower lip wobbling slightly. Then she looked at Doug with aggressive cheer, half smiling, half baring her teeth. "I'm sorry, you were saying, Dougie?"

"There's precisely one of us sitting here who has moved Connie to throwing lightning during a shouting match. And when I was gone for months on end, it was because of my job, not because of a tantrum measured in fortnights." Doug held Lapis' gaze, neither budging an inch. "I did hear about your performance at the Lunar Sea Spire, by the way."

"Fine, let's make this a race to the bottom!" Lapis was looking at him with a manic expression and for a brief moment Doug could only marvel at how much it resembled the one Connie had given him only minutes ago.

Lapis' tirade drew him out of his own head. "We're both craptastic people that have been responsible for way more of girlie's tears than she deserves. But I'm getting better, I'm paying my dues for once. In the Beach House we've got a board up that says how many days it's been since I flipped out and I'm going for the high frickin' score!"

She met his eyes, wordlessly daring him to contradict her.

"Does that count Malachite showing up a couple of blocks from here?" answered Doug coolly. "Explaining to Priyanka that the giant monster using the water tower for a coffee table was, in fact, two-thirds of the people who routinely look after Connie made for a fun conversation."

"Oh, you just didn't," snarled Lapis. At the party, every cup and bowl of punch rippled like some angry titan had stomped its foot.

"Oh, I just did."

Lapis' glare could have cut glass. "While Jasper and I were fighting a gravity monster for two days straight, you know what I was thinking?"

"Do tell," said Doug, both of them in too deep to slow down now.

"I was thinking, 'Man, if Citrine were here, we'd be done with this inside of a commercial break.' And during my little post-New Year break, I kept thinking back on how Citrine used to be the one person I could count on to help me out of pits like that." She rested a finger against her cheek, head cocked to the side. "Now what ever happened to Citrine?"

"Lapis, no," warned Doug through clenched teeth.

"Lapis, yes," she shot back. Then she removed the finger from her cheek and used it to jab Doug in the chest. "Oh, that's right, someone couldn't keep it in his pants and now the greatest gem I've ever known is _gone._ Jank you very much for that, by the way."

Variations of this argument had been going on for more than thirteen years. It wasn't that Doug had no response to give, it was that he had _too many_ and it was hard to fit just one through his throat. After making a few inarticulate noises of rage, an old reflex kicked in. Doug thought of Citrine as she was in her portrait, serene, patient, and exhaled slowly. This ended with a small, bitter chuckle. He managed to unclench his fists, then pushed his glasses up his nose.

"That's bull crap and you know it," he said, sounding almost tired.

"You're bull crap," answered Lapis petulantly.

"Lapis, can you honestly think of any force in this world that could have made Citrine do something she didn't want to? And if such a thing exists, did you ever think, even for a second, that it was _me?"_

It was Lapis' turn to sputter wordlessly as the thought of Doug forcing Citrine into anything was like a divide-by-zero error in her gem.

"This wasn't an 'oops' pregnancy," continued Doug. "Citrine had to poof and reform with all the necessary parts for it to even be possible, and I'm certain she could have backed out at any time while she was pregnant. This was as premeditated as-" Doug shut himself up, because there were two different things Citrine did in having Connie that you could call premeditated, and he didn't trust himself to say the right one.

Lapis looked down at her fallen cake. It filled her with determination. "Fine! But you didn't have to actually go along with it! I'm a crappy fusion partner and even I'd step back if it meant the other person died!"

Doug was awash with conflicting emotions. He wanted to smack Lapis, verbally and literally, the blue gem being his harshest critic ever since Citrine had announced she was pregnant. On the other hand... he'd voiced pretty much all the same objections to Citrine when she'd raised the matter with him all those years ago.

Doug didn't for a second regret having Connie, far from it. But not a day passed that he didn't also grieve for Citrine.

A few seconds passed before Doug replied. "Lapis, you love Connie, right?"

Lapis' eyes flashed with anger and her expression grew truculent. "If you so much as imply I don't, you better start growing gills fast."

He raised his hands in a conciliatory gesture. "No, never. My point is, I know you love Connie. She's amazing."

The gem glowered at him but her lack of further threats was silent agreement enough.

"But you can't have Connie and Citrine at the same time." He hoped his expression was the right blend of stern-yet-sympathetic, otherwise he really might end up somewhere in the Atlantic. “You understand that, right?”

Long seconds passed and Lapis' scorn turned inward into a pout. "You traded Citrine for a roll in the hay and a lottery ticket. That you won the jackpot doesn't mean I have to forgive you." She scowled at her feet, or possibly her ruined hunk of cake. "We all miss her, we all need her, and she'd be here if it weren't for you." She spent another minute looking forlorn before meeting Doug’s gaze. Somehow she made a smirk appear sad. "Besides, what's the point of living forever if I can't dance on your grave?"

Doug felt like laughing. He felt like crying. He felt like throttling Lapis. Which, now that he thought about it, was better than he usually felt talking with the blue gem. He shook his head. "Can you at least wait until I'm buried?"

"Can you get red out of that stupid shirt of yours?" answered Lapis.

The apparent non sequitur threw Doug for a second... before the contents of an entire punch bowl, levitated over while they'd been arguing, sluiced down on Doug in a shower of pinkish-red.

A little had gotten in his mouth when he'd yelped in surprise. At least it didn't also have cocktail sauce and red vinegar.

By the time he had finished mopping his brow and managed to clean his glasses enough that the world wasn't a pink-tinged blur, he saw Lapis gone entirely and the rest of the partygoers staring at him. He mustered an almost-convincing chuckle and an embarrassed wave. This was enough for the majority present to file the whole thing away as 'gem stuff' and move on with their evening.

Steven was jogging over with a roll of paper towels, Connie only a few paces back. He’d expected his daughter to look embarrassed, or worried, or angry. To Doug’s surprise, she looked… relieved.

* * *

Doug had gone home, showered, showered again when he still found bits of pink dripping off him, and changed.

Consulting the copy of her schedule she'd pinned up in the kitchen, he saw that Priyanka would be working at the hospital until midnight. She'd sleep at her house tonight then come over in the morning... or early afternoon.

Dr. K was a slow riser on her days off.

It was probably just as well. As much as Doug wanted the catharsis of vocalizing his worries, given how Pri had raised her son into a fine adult through a loveless marriage, medical school, and a divorce, all without a single sympathetic family member for help… Yeah, she probably wasn’t the most receptive ear to tell about him being an absentee father.

Which was why Doug, wanting to live up to the expectations of the two women currently in his life, was loitering on the Beach House porch waiting for his daughter to come home from the Universe boy's party.

Peridot had come out and greeted him, offering him a beverage or snack. He'd politely declined and gone back to his vigil. He saw her sneaking confused looks his way through the window every now and again.

Jasper came tromping up the stairs at one point, one arm and parts of her chest covered in a thicket of four-inch quills, as though she'd wrestled a mutant porcupine. Which, honestly, wasn't that far-fetched. She didn't seemed perturbed, nor did she seem curious why Doug was loafing on their porch. She greeted him with a polite nod and went inside, barbs rasping against the door frame as she entered.

He didn't see Bismuth around, but that was for the best. As friendly as the rainbow-haired gem was, he didn't have the energy to meet the smith's chipper intensity.

It was while Doug was looking up at the dimming sky, contemplating his place as a parent, that there was a light gust of wind and the sound of bare feet touching down on the wooden boards of the porch. The svelte blue gem walked over and sat down at the railing, sliding her legs through the gap and looking out into the sea.

Doug let out a sigh and sat down on the porch nearby. He probably deserved this too.

"Remember that time we blew up that dye pack in Jasper's face?" Lapis stared out to sea while she said it which meant she didn't see Doug's surprised expression. "Her hair looked tie dyed for a week."

He could recall. Jasper had been clinging to Citrine like her sour-faced shadow and, when Citrine wasn’t paying attention, being more odious to Doug than usual. How Marco had gotten his hands on a couple of the remote detonatable color bombs was beyond Doug, but he'd been all too happy to buy one off him for use on his orange adversary.

Naturally Lapis, his then-ally and partner in crime, had wanted in on that action.

Doug chuckled. "Yeah. She was the angriest flower child. Especially after we pointed out the comparison. She did _not_ give peace a chance."

Affecting a Liverpudlian accent, Lapis said, "All you need is love, OJ," and then snorted.

The two sat there for a while, a tenuous bubble of past camaraderie encompassing them.

Lapis was the one the pop it. "Look, I'm precisely immature enough to think Con-con is great while blaming you for Citrine. And I recognize that that's a raw deal."

Doug joined Lapis in staring out at the sea. "I miss her too, you know. That's why I was gone so often. Coming here, seeing that gemstone but not seeing _her_... It was hard."

Lapis' pig tails swayed with the ocean breeze. "So why'd you do it? And if it's because Citrine was some kind of goddess in the sack, don't tell me because even when I liked you I still thought that kind of thing was gross."

Doug looked at her. "Honestly?” And a beat later added, “And no bedroom stuff, I promise."

Lapis' gaze remained fixed on the horizon but she nodded.

"I didn't want to at first." The words came out of Doug slowly, his mouth feeling dry. He'd come here to apologize to Connie for being a poor parent; telling Lapis that he originally hadn't wanted to be one felt like a further disappointment. "I'd already told the world to go away so I could be with my magical girlfriend and I wasn't keen to have the daydream end." He sighed. "But she wanted it, wanted it very badly. I could tell. And, well, there's a reason we don't have my parents over for Harvest Festival, so a part of me wanted the chance to prove I could do better."

His chuckle this time was bitter. He said no words because irony like that required none.

The breeze carried the gentle susurrus of the surf. The stars overhead waxed in brightness as dusk deepened into night.

"You think you could get another one of those dye packs?" asked Lapis, master of the non sequitur.

The difference between fifteen years ago and now was that now he and Marco had money and business connections. They were adults... on paper at least; the jury was out in terms of maturity. Marco wouldn't even need to do anything shady to get ahold of one, though knowing Marco, he might do that anyway for the fun of it.

"Yeah, I could. Why? Has Jasper been hassling you?"

Lapis shook her head, finally looking over at him. Her smirk was impeccable. "Naw, but Bismuth thought she could leave on some journey of self-discovery without telling me. And besides, she wasn't around before, so it means all the old tricks can be brought out again."

He paused, considering whether this olive branch was being sincerely offered. With Lapis, it was hard to tell.

"You willing to wait until I'm buried before you dance on my grave?"

Lapis blew out a breath and rolled her eyes. "Ugh, fine. I guess I can wait another decade."

"Ten years? I'll be around a lot longer than that," said Doug, his face trying on a half-smile to see if it'd fit.

"Naw, 'cause Con-con's only barely a teenager. When she really gets into the swing of it, we're all in for a heckuva ride."

Doug paled slightly considering this.

Lapis laughed, adding, "Besides, Con-con and Pinky will probably be dating soon and there's no way you come out of that without ending up in a box or a padded room."

She... made a frighteningly good point.

Her wings whisked out from her gem, the right one bending around so she could touch it to her palm. Then she held out her hand to Doug, the moist hand shiny in the reflected light of the Beach House.

It was Lapis' spin on spitting in her palm before shaking on a deal. Doug had to admit it was certainly more hygienic.

"Truce?" She waggled her left wing at him impatiently. 

He reached up and felt the cool, magically-levitated water slide across his palm. "Truce," he agreed and accepted the handshake.

They sat there in companionable silence for a moment. Then Lapis rose to her feet, her wings beating softly to help her up. "Doesn't mean I like you, though."

Doug gave her an easy smile. "Of course not, Lapis. I'd never accuse you of that."

She nodded and walked over to the door. Pulling it open she paused at the threshold and said over her shoulder, "Goodnight, dummy."

"Goodnight, pain-in-my-Lapass."

The door closed and Doug stayed where he was. He was still waiting for his daughter, after all… though he found himself sitting just a little bit straighter than before.

* * *

“Bye Uncle Andy! Bye Aunt Deb! I love you! Bye Peedee! Ronaldo! Mr. Fryman! Jeff!”

Steven leaned out the front door, waving as he called after the retreating guests. Connie lingered nearby in the hallway. In the background Mrs. Universe was hauling heavy folding tables around while Mr. Universe helped Sour Cream pack up his DJing equipment. Buck and Jenny were tidying up the backyard, but looking cool while they did it, both getting in as much time as possible with the DJ before his tour.

With the last Beach City resident and/or visiting DeMayo seen off, Steven turned to Connie. Both smiled at one another but for a moment neither seemed to know what to say.

“So that was my party,” said Steven, wincing slightly at his own lack of suaveness. He rubbed the back of his neck and rocked back and forth on his heels. “Although, uh, I didn’t open a present from you.” His eyes widened slightly and his speech sped up. “Not that you need to get me a present, because even though that remote control airplane Uncle Andy got me was cool, it’s not like it’s going to take me on adventures to floating sky buildings or anything.”

Steven paused in thought. “Huh, I wonder if the gems have had to put up, like, air traffic signs so airplanes don’t bonk into those?”

Connie’s smile grew earnest, though she fidgeted with the hem of her red sundress. “Steven, of course I got you a present. It’s your birthday and you’re my best friend. I, uh, just didn’t know what to expect from the party so I set it aside. Your mom let me keep it in her office, actually. Do you think she’d mind if we went in there and-”

At that time Mary was cutting through the kitchen on her way to the garage, three folding chairs tucked under each arm. Her full lips were in a light smile directed at the teens. “Go ahead, Connie,” she said before continuing out of sight.

Steven led the way through the music shop. “Sorry your dad got punched by Lapis.” He weaved between drum sets and scooched past an upright bass before pausing. “Wait, that doesn’t sound right.”

Connie giggled. “It’s fine. I was expecting a lot worse and-” She sighed. “It was a really good party.” She seemed a little abstracted for a moment before shaking her head and saying, “Come on, I want to give you your present.”

Stepping behind the counter, Steven opened the door to his mom’s office, a professional-looking space with a wide desk, a profusion of family pictures (more of whom Connie was able to recognize now), and walls lined with filing cabinets. Flipping a light switch caused a pair of lamps to fill the room with a warm glow. On the swivel chair behind the desk sat a simple present, thin and rectangular, with yellow wrapping paper and a big red bow the same shade as Connie’s dress.

Steven approached slowly, almost bashfully, and very gingerly unwrapped the gift. It reminded Connie of how her friend would meticulously remove a new comic from its sleeve, savoring the excitement. Finally he opened the box inside and-

In the modest lighting of the office, the walls shimmered with sparkles of red. Contained in the shallow box was a collection of six scrunchies, each a vibrant vermilion shade that caught the light so brilliantly it appeared lit from within.

Steven’s mouth was open. “Are these…”

One corner of Connie’s mouth rose. “Yeah, it’s made out of the seaweed from our first day together. Not the same-same, I mean, because that gotten eaten by the worm monster. Lapis made a bubble and we walked around the bottom of the bay picking the stuff. It’s not gross anymore, though, because it’s been dried and treated and Peridot sprayed it with a clear coating of some gem stuff that’ll keep it from falling apart or getting stinky. The, uh, scrunchy part is just elastic; I bought a kit for making your own from a craft store. It’s just, that was a really good day and I remember you using some of it as a hair tie at one point and I thought you might like it.”

She panted slightly, a little out of breath by the end. Then her eyes went wide and she added hastily, “Oh, but make sure not to wear one if there’s, like, another worm monster around.”

Steven marveled at the gift for a moment longer and then swept forward, pulling Connie into a massive hug. “It’s perfect! That’s such a sweet gift and so thoughtful and I love it so much and that was a really, really good day even if there was a lot of screaming and running towards the end.” 

He set Connie down and, practically vibrating with excitement, exclaimed, “Oh! Let me use one right now!” He swiftly pulled his Sniffling Croissant hair tie out and replaced it with a sparkling seaweed scrunchie. “How does it look?!” he asked, turning his head back and forth, his curly locks swaying as he did.

Connie giggled, swept along in her friend’s irresistible excitement and cheer. “It looks great, Steven. If I were a monster, I’d definitely want to eat your hair.”

Steven laughed. Then he marveled at his scrunchies again. Then, seemingly too excited to settle on one single activity, he nearly bolted out the door with a cry of, “Oh gosh! I need to show the others!” However, just before sprinting across the music shop, Steven pivoted and pulled Connie into another tight hug. “Thank you, thank you, thank you!” he exclaimed, pecked Connie on the cheek, and then sped out of the office like a shot.

Down the hall Connie could hear, “Mom! Dad! Jenny! You gotta see this!”

Connie stood there, stunned, a hand slowly rising to where Steven had, in his exuberance, given her a tiny kiss on the cheek. She blinked, a little dazed, and felt a flush of warmth radiate out from that spot. A blush spread across her face.

After a long minute she gathered up the remains of Steven’s present, flipped off the lights, and closed the door behind her. For some reason she had this broad smile that just wouldn’t relent.

She’d had her misgivings at first but she had to admit, this had been a good party.

* * *

Connie paused at the top of the stairs, surprised to see her dad sitting on the deck, looking somberly her way.

The lingering aura of lightness she'd been feeling evaporated like dew in the summer sun. "H-Hi dad." She gave him a little wave.

"Hey Connie," he replied. He looked slightly awkward, which mirrored Connie's own internal feelings just then. "Got a sec for a quick Mahes-war council?"

She nodded, feeling equal parts confused and guilty. She had been pretty short with her dad earlier and the Steven that lived in her head said he probably hadn't meant to upset her at the party.

She sat on the porch nearby, legs to her side since she was wearing a dress. The press of the wood through thin leggings made her miss jeans. Smoothing a few wrinkles out of her outfit, she tried to keep the worry out of her expression.

Her dad gave her a wan smile. "I don't think either of us are good at this sort of thing, so I'll just try and get through the awkward part quickly." Despite that, he paused to take a deep breath and release it slowly through his nose. "I'm sorry for being... gone so much."

Connie blinked. She consulted her internal Steven but he only shrugged. "Huh?"

"You said how, since you're only half-gem, you should have several normal, human birthdays by now. I've been thinking on that and I believe the reason you never had them was mostly my fault." He swallowed. "I was gone. A lot. You were virtually raised by the gems and there's some things that are still alien to them even after hundreds and thousands of years on Earth because, well, they _are_ aliens."

Connie wanted to say something but was utterly lost on what it should be. Pointing out that Jasper had been formed on Earth, for example, seemed less than productive.

"I had to work to support you. To pay for things for the Beach House. To payoff the tabs at the Big Donut. But I didn't have to be gone half so much as I was. That was me being... selfish. That was me using work as a way to keep from facing certain things." He sniffed and pushed his glasses higher up his nose.

"But dad, you moved back." Connie's voice had finally returned, the girl latching onto an objection and running with it. "I used to see you six or seven times a year, but now I get to see you that often in a week. And you're working less and I can tell you about the gem stuff in my life! That's a big change. A big improvement."

Her dad nodded, a weak smile curling up one side of his mouth. "Yeah. And it was the smartest thing I did in thirteen years. But that doesn't change that my little girl saw monsters on her birthday more often than she saw her dad. You deserved better. And, while I can't change the past, I can apologize. I'm sorry, Connie." Another sniff. "Very sorry."

She scooched forward and wrapped her arms around her dad's torso. A moment later she felt his warm arms encircle her.

It had hurt. She'd never really known, because she'd never realized her life could be any other way. But her world had expanded a lot in the last year, including meeting people like the Universes. With a basis for comparison, it hadn't taken her long to see how some parts of her own childhood failed to measure up.

She hadn't exaggerated when she'd snarled at her dad over the party. The fact that being presented with an utterly happy and wholesome event had thrown her for a loop was obviously a sign that something was wrong with her life. But...

Her dad had ended up wearing a punch bowl's-worth of citrusy red sugar water. Lapis had flown off in a huff. It was like that moment when the 3D eye puzzle snapped into focus and you saw the sailboat. Her life was weird and prone to crazy things happening. Steven's wasn't, or hadn't been until he'd started hanging out with her. That was their thing: she packed the sandwich of destiny, he brought the normal-wich on rye, and they shared.

She wasn't happy with all the things she had endured, and if she had one more birthday turn into a siege or unnatural disaster, she'd probably overload her power sink. But recognizing it as being part of this whole magical destiny business had helped. After all, Steven had super duper human birthdays like this every year and the thing that made him happiest was getting a reminder of that day he got chased across the docks by a giant worm monster.

"Thanks dad," she murmured into his chest. "I appreciate it."

Her dad pulled her in a little tighter and nuzzled her head with his chin. For a split second she was worried about her hair, but then she remembered the party was over. This was father-daughter time: it was fine.

"And come November," he said, Connie hearing his words resonate through his chest while he spoke, "I promise you a birthday as normal or as magical as you want." A beat later he added, "Though we might need to get out of Beach City if you want to go full-normal."

* * *

The two spent another twenty or so minutes hanging out on the porch talking about things, mostly relating to the party. It was only when Connie's face split into a huge yawn that they seemed to notice that, oh yeah, it was night, which came late in Delmarva in August.

Her dad gave her another couple hugs goodbye and Connie leaned over the rail to wave while he made his way down the stairs. It had been a full day and Connie was eager to get ready for bed.

"Hoot," said an owl.

Connie blinked. It wasn't that an owl hooted. Rather, somewhere shrouded in the shadows of the Beach House roof, an owl had said the word, 'Hoot.'

"Huh?"

An owl walked over to the edge of the roof. "I said 'hoot.' You know, cause I'm an owl." 

Obviously.

While it was too dark to make out the animal's coloration, the gemstone sparkling on the owl's chest was unmistakable.

"Ame-" Connie started to exclaim, then caught herself and said in a carrying whisper, "Amethyst?! What are you doing here?"

The owl rolled its eyes. "I told you, I'm an owl. Amethyst isn't supposed to come over to this big statue dealie. But she is supposed to give you this. Good thing this owl accidentally dropped it here after Amethyst got suuuper bored waiting for you to take a walk in the forest or something. Oops," she said and one of her taloned feet nudged a scrap of paper over the side of the roof so that it dropped onto the porch below.

Connie scrambled to pick up the note. It was rolled neatly around a wooden dowel and tied with a white thread. Making a furtive look around to make sure no non-owls were watching, Connie slipped the thread free and unfurled it.

It was actually a newspaper clipping. An old one. From a Canadian paper. It was about the upcoming launch of the space shuttle, how the launch window had been delayed by one week because of unfavorable weather but that the forecast was now clear. The phrase 'one week' was circled neatly.

If someone else had found this, it'd be weird. Not remarkable, not suspicious, just weird. Certainly not as weird as the bird of prey overhead saying 'Hoot' in the same tone of voice you'd get from a bored retail employee. But to Connie...

They were blasting off in a week.

"I'll-"

"Hoot," interrupted the owl.

Connie was torn between a laugh and an huff. "I'll-"

"Hoot."

"Interrupting-owl-says-what?" Connie said in a blur of words.

"What?" A beat. "Ooh, hehe, good one, Citrine."

Connie smiled to herself. "Would it be okay if I visited the morning of the launch?"

The owl overhead preened one wing before answering. "How would I know? I'm just an owl." She fanned out her wings, flapping them idly as if preparing to fly. "But Amethyst would say, 'Yeah, that'd be cool. Pearl would like that.'"

With that she beat her wings and vanished silently into the night, save for a final, departing, "Hoot."

Connie carefully tucked the note into one sleeve, lamenting the dress' lack of pockets, and stepped inside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The AO3 comments have been coming in across the episodes and omakes of Connie Swap fast and freely this week and it's been a real delight for me, MJ, and BurdenKing. We wanted to say thank you to all the kind and considerate readers who take the time to leave their thoughts; it's really helped brighten our week and keep us eager to bring you all more Connie Swap.
> 
> And so we come to the end of _Steven's Birthday_. The story certainly grew from me having an extra week to write, but I can't say that's a bad thing given some of the scenes that came of it. Oh, and my son is feeling better; thank you to all the kind folks who offered their well-wishes. Normally there'd be an 'off' week between episodes, but since Ep25 ran a week longer than anticipated, we've decided to, heh, _launch_ into Episode 26 starting next week. So tune in on Wednesday, August 29th, for the start of **Episode 26: Space Race**.
>
>>   
>  Pearl and Amethyst have finished their spaceship and will be lifting off soon, headed for Homeworld. Connie goes to say her final farewell to the pair and wish them a safe voyage. A bittersweet visit for all before the blast off.
> 
>   
> 
> 
> * * *
> 
> If you have a Connie Swap story burning in your soul that you want to see in our official, curated Omake collection, drop us a comment either in the Omake fic or here in the main fic and we'll get in touch.
> 
> Connie Swap has an official Discord for the fans. [Come check it out.](https://discord.gg/RQMDdhr)
> 
> As usual, we'd love to hear your thoughts in the comments and your asks at the [Connie Swap Tumblr](http://connieswap.tumblr.com/). Thanks for reading!

**Author's Note:**

> Keeping track of all the updates to Connie Swap can get a little difficult, can't it? It doesn't have to be! If you go to the [Connie Swap Series](http://archiveofourown.org/series/630527) page and click the " **Subscribe** " button then you will receive an email alert every time a new episode is posted or a new chapter is added to _ANY_ fic in Connie Swap.
> 
> One button. All the updates.


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